This may come as a bit of a shock, and I apologize for that, but it needs to be said. I am dying of a terminal disease.
Itís a cancer, slowly eating me away from the inside. The fatal signs have not become apparent yet. I was fortunate that it was even diagnosed. But now I know, and the knowledge lives inside me, a small, cold spot deep in my chest. Iím going to die.
Naturally, this knowledge has greatly changed my outlook on life. Knowing that the end is inevitable, that it could be coming at any time, makes me very grateful for what I have. Each sunrise, each breath of fresh air, each glimpse of beauty, each touch of companionshipóall are gifts directly from God to me.
A frosted leaf, a glimmer of light on a puddle, the softness of fog, the bright clear night with the full moon hanging in the skyóall are gorgeous. I drink it in, enjoying every moment. I wish I had spent my whole life noticing the little beauties. I donít want to waste another second.
Itís easier to ignore the annoying aspects of life now. What does it matter if I do badly on an assignment I worked hard on, or my car dies in traffic, or people are late, or someone traps me with chatter for a half hour, or I have three tests in one day? It doesnít matter at all, really.
My family and friends have become much more important to me. I savor every moment I spend in the company of my loved ones. Every argument, every smile, every word, every hugóall are infinitely precious and irreplaceable.
Thereís a fearlessness that comes with knowing death is on its way, too. Why wait another moment when you donít know how many moments you have left? Talking to people about Christ is much easier without that fear. Getting to the heart of the issue happens faster, too. Sometimes I still let my natural shyness and trepidation rule me, but thatís happening less and less and the days go on. Thereís really no point in hesitating.
All in all, dying has been a good experience for me. Itís always important to take time to clean out the closets of your life, throw away the junk, admire the treasures. I want to have no regrets. Almost every day God shows me another area I need to work on, and I want to follow His lead in everything. The end is here.
By the way, the terminal disease I have is called Sin. And you have it, too.
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